H-E-B

Texas is an odd state. Texans take pride in being different, even if it means being ass-backward. They have a chain of grocery stores that exists nowhere else in the US: H-E-B.

Contrary to the current slogan, H-E-B does not stand for "Here Everything's Better," but for the name of its founder, Howard Edward Butt.

(Heheh, "Butt.")

I work at the H-E-B down the street from my house as a CSA. They tell us that CSA stands for Customer Service Assistant, but I have a feeling they're sugar-coating another acronym.

CSA = Come in every weekend and do whatever inane taSks the lazy-ass clerks assign you All day

Anyway, I went to work yesterday and had to use the crappy customer bathroom.


You know those "employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs?

It's missing from the bathroom, and in its place is this placeholder:

The point is to alert maintenance that the decal goes here, but wouldn't it be easier to just cross out the word "decal?" They've already written out the important part of the message.

Well, after that, I gathered shopping carts in the parking lot.


Sometimes, putzing around the parking lot, you notice funny bumper stickers, and the occasional Jesus fish decal. In my opinion, a Jesus fish is equivalent to a public proclamation of one's lunacy. But yesterday I saw a variation on this idea. No, not those dumb Darwin fish.


Satan fish!


And not even three parking spaces away,...


...another Satan fish! Amazing! If anyone finds these, buy me a set. I'll seriously buy them off of you.