DMV Part II

At long last, my envelope from the DMV has arrived!





Finally. Now I don't have to carry around this awful permit.


I open up the envelope only to find that my license has been fastened with the picture side down.


I wonder why.

DMV...OT...PS

A week or two ago, I went to the DMV, or, as Texas calls it, the DOT or the DPS. (Mouse over the acronyms. Isn't that cool?) In any case, it's the agency that gives out drivers' licenses.

And the award for most drab and crowded waiting area goes to...


So we got there and took a number. Five, as you can see.


When we got there, the number was 40. This is 96, at least two hours later.


My dad had to fill out a form with a long list of dates that we supposedly did the lessons in the course on.

Most people just skip the work and make up dates to put on the thing.

My dad actually taught me the stuff, but since you're not allowed to do more than two lessons in a week, making up a date list was a good way to waste two hours, or at least ten minutes of those two hours.

After closing time, they proceeded to lock us in.


"What if there's a fire?" a fellow licensee casually remarked. "We'll all die.", I said.

Who?

I don't cook often, and when I do, the primary apparatus is my microwave oven. Unfortunately, The only thing in my freezer a few days ago (and likely still) is a stack of weightwatchers crap dinners.



Anyway, isn't it interesting that they use "Who" in this slogan, rather than "What"? Think about it.


Next time, I'm just going to make a pastrami sandwich. I would eat pastrami all day if I could, especially over low-calorie chicken enchiladas monterey.

Health Book

Remember the PE book? Well, I'm finally out of that awful class and into another. I'm in Health, now. I won't even go into how ridiculous the class is, but I will cover the book.

They chopped the corner off of it.


Apparently, chopping off a corner of the book brings the price of new books down because used book stores don't want books that are missing a corner. Don't you love how companies, rather than making their product more appealing than the competitors, just cut corners and try to thwart the competition instead?

So this book is mostly about the dangers of smoking, drugs, drinking and sex.



I'm not going to smoke because it's disgusting.
I'm also not going to do drugs because I have no reason to if I'm not already dependent.
I am, however, going to drink sometimes, and hopefully have sex.

I don't know why they try to tell us not to have sex. The people who are already active don't give a shit about what the book says, and the people who do listen to what the book says are the sort of people who will never get laid anyway.

They also cover alcohol, and along with it, a unit that brainwashes you to hate beer ads.


Q: What's the message presented by this ad?
A: Crazy black men who freak out in the background of a group picture have all the fun.

Randolph AFB

I'm not even going to beat around the bush on this one. Randolph Air Force Base has a lot of phallic symbols. I only got pictures of two of them the day when I was wandering around on base, but there are more.


Here we see the Lesser Phallic Symbol.


It's at the end of a long walkway. Care to guess what's at the other end?



The Greater Phallic Symbol.

Anyway, on my way there I saw the coolest street sign ever.


And this. It's a recruiting van... on an Air Force Base.

Ah, whatever.

Engrish

Dane and I were up until some obscene hour of the morning trying to make a video for school work. We had to install some video conversion software.


Unfortunately, most free software comes from Asia.



Speaking of Engrish...

I'm giving 'er all I got, Captain!

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssh

Do you hear it?


That's the sound of my blog losing momentum.

Need... readers...


Maybe I should advertise.

I guess part of the problem is that I don't get good photos often enough. I also lost two or three good posts worth of photos during the vault fire... er... when I lost my flash drive.

But I ramble.

Go, my minions! Bring forth fresh readers.

EDIT: I found my photos, but, sadly, not my flash drive. That means more goodies soon.

Perverts

I subscribe to a service which analyses traffic to my website. I can see what pages are visited most, who sees them, what they were looking for on google when they found it, etc.



This is an enlarged picture of the Last 10 Keywords section:

That is wrong on so many levels. He most likely was sent to my Bimbo Truck? post. Not quite what you were looking for, eh, dude?

New Portrait

It's a bit redundant to put the portrait in this post, since you can see it on the sidebar, but I will anyway, because I'm just awesome like that.



Also, I'm not putting it up right away. I have to correct the colours and crop it and such.

Edit: On second thought, I won't be using this as my portrait. I can't get the colours right. The lighting was just too bad.

Trekxxorz!!!1!

I've pretty much been doing my english project for the past week, but when I'm not doing that, I'm watching TV.

I've taken an interest in Star Trek: Enterprise recently, and I thought I'd share with you a screenshot from a recent episode.



Here we see Chief Engineer Trip talking to a female visitor to the ship about the size of his marshmallows. She's never heard of Rocky Road ice cream or any of its components, so he's trying to illustrate the various things that go into it.

I have more awesomeness in store, but I left my flash drive with all of my pictures at school.

Editing

I'd like to dispel a rumour floating around about my site's images. I do not edit my blog's photos, except in rare instances like the post about the banana in Dane's pocket. The bulge mark in his pants didn't show up in the original picture, though it was very apparent in person, so I drew in a bulge.

On some of my pictures, though, I will make slight aesthetic changes, like balancing the colors, and enhancing barely noticeable details, like so:

Golf Course Adventure

Yesterday rocked. I invited some friends over to watch a movie on my gynormous screen. Ashley needed to get out of her house early to avoid housework, so she came over early. There wasn't much to do, so we walked around on the golf course behind my house, which happens to be private property.




Take a long, hard look at the painting of the course. I'm sure the late Mr. Misner would be proud.

We messed around and wrote obscenities in the sand traps. It wasn't long before the golf course police showed up, so I didn't have time to take any pictures of the sand. Anyway, we saw the golf course police and ran. My town has a network of back alleys that I know to some extent, so we ran behind a nearby house and down an alley.

Then we saw this.
hard
Someone had a weird sci-fi birdhouse in their backyard.


The rest of their backyard was pretty cool, too.


So Ashley decided to sneak in.

The moment after I took this picture, the owner poked his head out the back window and I could hear him coming toward the back door. I panicked and ran and Ashley left the gate open.

So we came back around the neighbourhood through the back alleys and got home safely. Afterwards, we watched V for Vendetta, but wandering around the neighbourhood causing trouble was much more fun.

Ceiling Cat

If you've never seen Ceiling Cat before, go look it up on Google. I don't feel like finding it for you.

Anyway, here's the awesome version I'm hanging in my room:

Red hand

This is Austin. He's weird.

He tends to give high fives with a lot of... enthusiasm.



See the red? See it? That's Austin's fault.

Chit, mang! I don' speak no Spanish or something.

This is the school's token hardcore Mexican.


MEXICAN
"SA-BOI" (San Antonio)
"210" (San Antonio's area code)
TEXAS


Definitely Mexican!

But I know more Spanish than he does. Estoy triste porque muchos hispanicos no hablan español.

Ghetto A/C

We parked next to a little green car.

You could tell this thing was owned by an old lady.


What the hell does that thing do, anyway?

And check out the state-of-the-art air conditioning.